Author Vibes: Writing “The Iterations of Alex”
So I wrote a book. Not a cookbook, which I always expected to be the first thing out of the gate. Seems logical given how much I do enjoy writing about food. In my work life I write quite a bit, since I work in communications. Words and language are my lifeblood. But over this past year, I hit my own personal writers’ block.
Last year I lost one of my best friends in a sudden accident. It was one of those moments where everything stops because you can’t think straight. I still hurt if I am completely honest and I really didn’t deal with the pain, in that I kept pushing through. Work was a structure that I leaned on for keeping focused. My family and friends were supportive. On the outside I was swimming along, on the inside absolutely gutted. For the first time in my life, I lost my words.
In the weeks that followed I dreamt of her. I went over the countless situations we shared, and the laughter and memories. And slowly but surely, by trying to focus the pain in one place, I wrote The Iterations of Alex. The story is in many ways, incredibly personal, but it is absolutely how it had to be.
Crafting the story was a way to release the pain, although for much of the writing I felt more like I was marinating myself directly in it. For once, words did not come so easily. Going over things we actually said to each other was a comfort yet equally painful. Like, damn, did she know how much I cared for her? The actual core story came together quickly, but actually sitting and writing the dialogues took months. I could not do it without going full tilt Hemingway. It got intense. I had a few drafts, and some friends that were kind enough to do the peer review (like is this good, or just plain crazy?) Doing the translation with a dear friend was actually quite healing. Because Italian is still a relatively new language in my life, there was a sort of distance to the words. In my work life, I translate things that I have no attachment to. This was a completely different beast. And I am still so very grateful that my friend was by my side for this. No other way.
Writing this has taught me a few things. Which is easier to simply put in a bullet point list, so here it is:
Whatever you have been dreaming about doing, saying, or texting. Just do it. No one will ever give you permission to validate your dreams. That is all you. So go for your dreams. I always dreamt of being a food writer - and one day I said ok, this is my blog and I am a food writer. And so it is.
I would say to anyone that wants to write a book: Do it. Don’t wait, just do. There are so many stories out there that never get told because of fear or what others think. Doesn’t matter. Share your story. Share your thoughts. You never know what difference it will make. But the biggest value is honoring that story within you.
Writing a book as solitary as it is takes a village - this is where friends and family and complete strangers surprise you. So my lesson here is, let life surprise you sometimes.
I will say the book is a bit of a tearjearker. I am unable to look at the words myself at this point in any language. But that’s how I also knew it was ready to fly. And with that it is out there now. For you Astrid. Now and always. Miss you.