Holiday 2023: Be Kind. And maybe even…gift free!
Luna’s company is the best gift. Period!
The holidays are here. People are gearing up for decoration, family visits and well, a bit of stress. I worked in retail for almost 15 years, so I feel like I did my time in the “field” so to speak. And my advice this year is simple: be kind. This doesn’t just apply to others, it also applies to you, because self care is a thing. I also want to challenge you this year to simply go gift free. Yes, that’s right. No gifts, for anyone. Period. This applies mostly to adults. If you have kids, and Christmas is a thing, of course, get the kids gifts if that is in your budget.
I want to normalize non-gifting. Ignore the pressure and enjoy the parts of the holidays I like: mostly baking and extra bubbles in company. I didn’t say become a recluse. I am simply challenging the system of spending for the sake of the holidays with will return on emotional investment. Spend thoughtfully and deliberately. Better yet, acts of kindness.
Let me start by saying, I am not a cheap grinch or a minamalist by any means. I LOVE christmas decorations. My tree goes up mid-November and doesn’t come down until January 15. I do enjoy shopping and scoring a deal. And I love to gift wrap - probably a Virgo perfectionist thing. And I do enjoy gifting the rest of the year, with a caveat: for birthdays (for people that enjoy celebrating) special occasions and milestones. I prefer to offer experiences: like making a dinner, going for a museum, or simply spending time with people. Time is the ultimate gift. Champagne, electronics, and luxury are all nice, but you can’t buy time. My somewhat hardened perspective came from working many long hours in retail. Retail is a tough gig. Because people are people. And holiday people are a particular breed.
My glorious years in retail included stints at the Body Shop, Swarovski, Sephora and Art with Flowers(a high end floral and lifestyle boutique). Every year I would see people lose their cool over finding the “perfect” gift. News flash: it doesn’t exist. Of course people like gifts. Especially growing up in the US, Americans like stuff. And stuff that comes with more stuff. The gift with purchase is the ultimate drug. The holiday messaging of “the perfect gift” which equates to collective happiness is a sales pitch designed to pressure you to spend your way into “buying” joy. Absolute nonsense. Making the consumer feel like less of a good human for not getting the gift just right is the objective to make you spend more. It is a vicious cycle. There was one thing I disliked more than the buildup of the gifting season: returns week. Every year people would come in post holidays, usually grumpy with their presents to exchange for something they actually wanted or store credit. An exchange is not a big deal in retail. And if someone wants to change a gift, ain’t no thing. Dealing with angry return customers can be its own exercise in patience. I knew that the customers in question were not personally angry with me. But they needed to let the holiday disappointment out somewhere - and retail employees unfortunately get the brunt of it. Back to my initial point of: be kind.
Most of the disillusion that comes with the holidays is mismatched expectations. Gifting has become a spectator sport. And I am happily sitting on the sidelines for it. How much you or your friend/family member spends on you should not be the criteria of evaluation. If it is, why is this person taking up space in your life? Because that just sucks.
My challenge to go gift free is not a punishment. Actually it is more of a reflection. A gift is not going to make or break a true friendship or family bond. Gifting should be a joy. It should be a reciprocal experence, not a forced obligation. Idem for holiday cards - if you want to send them, great! If not, cool! You do you. I am grateful for the cards and gifts I received through the years. But I realized if I am not doing it with sincerity, it is better not to do it at all. So this year, I am out.
I have found myself unemployed during the holidays in the past and this was also a brutal wake up call. I thought, will people be upset if I can’t gift? Will I be left out of the celebrations? Harsh truth: some people will fall off a cliff, and leave you out. And then you see that some friendships are only held together by superfical links. If people are only around when times are good? Ciao còre. Real friends do not care about your bank account, or your current job title. They simply want you to be ok. End of story.
There is so much going on in the world, why add to the stress? Look, December and January can be a really hard time for people. Focus on being your best self what ever that looks like. For me that means taking the time to reach out and having a conversation with people I care about. The gift of time is beyond value. Cherish that instead. You just might be pleased with the result. In the meantime, the world is full of harsh chatter, but there is so much good still to be shared. Start with being kind. And do have a happy holiday. -Ni